Not entirely true, but today I privileged my own space over things I owe other people. I went on my walk (late, but better than), I read a bit about meditation hows and whys to begin my re-acclimation. I did some night time yoga and then I sat and tried to calm my fucking brain for just fifteen minutes.
That’s not all I did. I also went to a Weight Watchers meeting (it is often so hard to pipe up with “y’all we all know this stuff. WE KNOW THIS STUFF”). I am going to keep writing that every time I do it until I don’t feel like the dorkiest dork loser whenever I do. Who’s permission do I need to go to Weight Watchers? I mean if fucking Oprah does it, why am I so shamed and humiliated? Whatever. Weight Watchers. I go. It helps.
I also called a man about some insulation. Our floor might just be a few degrees warmer in as little as a week! I am giddy with the notion.
And, I spent more time than I ought to have on March Shredness. If by some weird chance you are reading this and haven’t said hello in a comment or email, then at least do me the solid of going over to http://marchshredness.com tomorrow and voting for Vixen and me.
So, about what I read today. I picked up a glossy book/magazine hybrid put out by Lion’s Roar (formerly Shambhala Sun) called How to Meditate (you can order it from the site). It is a very surface, yet engaging introduction to Buddhist meditation. I bought my first zafu cushion in 1999, and I have dutifully hauled it around ever since, most of the time not knowing what to do with it. I’ve sat with Zen instructors in the past in Hamilton, NY, and I liked very much the feeling of a 30 minute meditation. I also sat with a New Kadampas Buddhist teacher in Laramie, and I was less fond of the chanting. Neither of these were real studies. They were tiny, baby-toe-in-the-water-for-a-seconds. I have also had a Pema Chödron book on tape since 2010, and I really think I need it to be a book in hand, because I love listening to it, but their are no tracks. Just one long file, so it is tough to go back and re-listen. So this month I hope to read a bit, and maybe get to a center nearby once or twice, if I can, and have a better idea of the kind of Buddhism that speaks most to me. I don’t know yet if I want to take vows of Refuge, or just quietly practice in mostly my own way. I don’t know if Zen or Tibetan is for me or what. That’s what I’d like to look at. I’d also like to try a few different meditation styles/types. I’ve had this mindfulness hook in me for nearly two decades and I haven’t given it a chance, except in the back of my mind, as a possibility. Here’s to being better at mindfulness.